A SLEEPLESS NIGHT

Time passes so fast. Boyfriend is with his new job for a month already. I could see his stress from his exhausted face and white hair. I am heartache to see him like that. As a girlfriend, I should do something but what? I seems like cant help him much in his work. Nevertheless, I hope our time spending together could make him feel happier.

We had a big arguement last week one day before the concert. A really big one that almost got us ended this relationship. From then, only I realised I have not play my role as a girlfriend for all this while.

I learnt to tolerate, not demand and don't expect but relationship is not just about that. It works both ways. Sometimes I think that I am a simple girl, as long as I get to spend time with him, I would be happy.

Reality is not like that. We have to be realistic. Work still important.  Not spending enough time together also part of my fault . Being together for 8 months, I have not once drive to his plce find him before. This was what he complained.

I love him but he doesnt see it that way. He always says he sayang me a lot but sometimes I dont feel it. One thing that makes us distanced is that we are different ed, as in chinese and english background. another issue could be age I guess.

It's not that girl who wanna feel pampered, guys need it as well. I find it hard to express myself in front of him, sometimes i hide the real self . dont know why , I still feel shy to be myself.

He said he know me well, I would said i know him better. No issues about this , not even one year . I used to compared why other boyfriend can do this but he cant. Then i realise different people have different life of relationship. I shouldnt have compare. It's unfair for him.

When comes to quarrel, we often use harsh word to hurt each other. I m confused whether which is true from te hear, which is not. He once say he see no future on us. I was like why the hell still continue this and what was i doing all this while. I don't wanna waste my time on things that dont turn out right.

I am old enough to plan for my future. I want  a family  with lovely husband and kids. It doesnt matter we are not that rich, as long as we can affort for our child and live happily. Its more than I could ask for.

Sorry for being immature sometimes.

I love you but I dont know how to show it.

Times will tell.

I am planning something  for him. 

I am not  sweet and caring gf.

I am still learning......